Friday, July 30, 2010

The Beginning

I have gone through so much with my weight and with body issues and I feel that with beginning this blog, I need to explain where I've come from.

I was always chubby as a kid and my mum was awful to me about it. I remember being about ten years old and my mum telling my friend who was one of those naturally very skinny girls, that she should help me exercise. It was around that age that I started a long obsession with weighing myself and counting calories and restricting what I ate. I went through a growth spirt when I was 12 and grew to the same height I am today at 23 so not only was I chubby but I was also taller than everyone and I felt so BIG compared to everyone, especially boys and my best friend who was (and still is) 4'11". It was the beginning of high school and my friends were getting their first boyfriend - I was being called a blimp.

When I was 15 I became even more obsessed with counting calories. I went days without eating, I knew exactly how many calories were in every food and I would berate myself if I ate more than 500 calories in a day. I went running every morning and spent at least an hour every afternoon at the gym and I was really skinny. My hipbones stuck out and my collarbones protruded. Once, after eating nothing for nearly five days, I fainted - face first onto concrete and was left with a bloody lip and a scar under my nose. When I look back at photos of myself at that time, now I cringe at how sickly I looked. This was the only time in my life that my mother told i was an acceptable weight. It was definitely the most unhappy i have ever been.

When I reached 20 I started to finally accept that my body shape/type/size was just naturally bigger and I started to be ok with it. It was hard because my mother was always telling me I was too fat and that I shouldn't wear certain things and making comments like 'are you sure you really need that?' anytime I opened the fridge. When I was 22 I made the hardest but ultimately most positive choice I have ever made - I cut off all contact with my mother and thus removed all of that negativity from my life. I turn 24 next month and I completely love my body. I'm a size 14 - 16 and I have a belly and chubby arms and a big bum and I think I look great, I wouldn't change a thing. I eat whatever I feel like, I do enough exercise, I'm healthy and I'm happy and I'm so glad that I have finally got to a place where I feel like this.

Recently I was thinking about all that I went through when I was younger and I wished that I'd seen more beautiful, well dressed fat women because maybe that would have helped me realise that to be attractive, you don't necessarily have to be thin. Also I think there is a lack of plus-sized fashion and general body acceptance in Australia and I would like to do whatever is in my power to help change that. I made this blog to show that being fat doesn't have to mean looking frumpy or wearing baggy, shapeless clothes.


Anonymous said...

You're one super brave lady. Thanks for sharing this story.

It's lovely to see healthy and happy curvy girls, (and with a hot sense of a style is just tops!)

I've been a 14 - 18 since I was 16 years old and once I got passed the guilt and shame I got healthy and happy. I'm still a 14 and sometimes 16, but I feel confident in my skin and make no apologies for my curves.

Keep blogging! I'll defo be stopping by.


Velveteen xo

Bronny said...

thanks girl! i love your blog xx

brodie said...

if it weren't for the fact that i'm sitting in the cafeteria at uni, i would've teared up a little reading this. it reflects so much of my own life, though without the 100% acceptance to end it (just to clarify- i'm sitting on a good 90%, so it's not like i'm crying into a block of chocolate every night). particularly the part about being the same height now as you were at 12- i went through high school being just under 6 feet tall, the same as i was at age 11...
i'm not really sure what i meant for this comment to say but thank you! what's up, new favourite blogger!?

Bronny said...

this is so nice to hear! thanks heaps for reading, i love your blog too xx

Lina said...

You are one amazing girl! I admire you for having such a great style and beeing who you are. I've always been chubby, and bigger than all of my friends and people among me, but i'm the only one who have a problem with it. A while ago i was so upset about my body i tried to do whatever i could to get thinner, i'm so happy i'm still at the same weight. In the end my body is not the biggest problem, but what it does to me. Like one thing i cant do because my weight; i can't wear dresses without tights or a cotton shorts, and that's so annoying!!

i'm truly admiring you girl!